I had 6 months or less time sobriety at the time of this incident. I thought I was really giving it my all by having and attending my home group, a sponsor, actually speaking & seeing that sponsor on a regular basis, reading AA literature and talking on the phone to other AA members.

These were the days prior to cellular phones, so I came home from work one evening and called my sponsor after dinner. I was having some interpersonal issues with a boss at work. I felt targeted after rehab and was struggling to find myself. All of these big surprises! The sponsor told me to pray for this man, that he may be sick and suffering also and he was doing his job. Even though I'm certain it was said in a calm and directional tone, I felt I had been slapped about the face. It was later that I saw how resistant to praying I was at this point.

Again, I was struggling with many of the issues that most new AA's struggle with. As the Steps refer to, even a "minor character flaw like tardiness" was apparent. I was working the regular day shift (7:45AM- 4:00PM) at the time. If you the reader is not familiar with Northern New Jersey let me share the specifics of commuting in one of the most congested areas of the United States. Said commute was approximately 30-40 minutes and 12 miles. I traveled a route that intersected with a road that connected to an main artery that leads to the Holland Tunnel and ultimately New York City.
This day, traffic was heavier in usual. My thinking was still askew as it told me to "drive faster" (when possible) as opposed to "leave earlier". I left later than than I should have, combined with stop and go traffic, loud heavy metal music I was still listening to and the boss I felt was going to severely discipline me for being late again started to build within. The noise in my head was stronger than in the past. I now attribute this to the start of a conscience.
The traffic was crawling and the minutes were flying by. The noise in my head was telling me to put the car in park, walk away from it and call in sick. I heard a smaller less apparent voice that I had always dismissed. It said "pray". I argued to myself, saying "praying is for the weak". This back & forth went on for what seemed and eternity, but only lasted a few minutes. The noise & pressure was peaking.
I finally realized that I was alone in the car and there was no need to be embarrassed and all I wanted was the noise and pressure to subside.

Traffic was stopped, I turned the radio off, closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed to my understanding of a higher power. Nearly instantaneously the pressure & noise in my head reduced.

I repeated the praying the next stop and again I felt a calm come over me. Reviewing this incident I consider this more of a change in behavior with a dash of spiritual awakening.

After the second prayer, I opened my eyes and traffic started moving along. I got to work on time and had an uneventful even keeled day.

I was after this incident that I "started to believe".

Sincerely,

Tommy R. member of Second Street Group, Secaucus, NJ.
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